How to Plan a Celebration-of-Life
Many families today want a service that celebrates the life of their loved one. We introduce them to the concept of a celebration of life and provide support in designing a life celebration that is as unique as the life of their loved one.
We always enjoy working together with families in planning a celebration of life for their loved ones. While it can be a challenge to put together an event that both pays tribute to and celebrates the life and spirit of a complex individual, it's also one of the most rewarding things any one of us can do for someone we've loved and lost.
What is a Celebration of Life?
Sarah York opens her beautifully-crafted book,
Remembering Well , with the very personal story about how her family chose to pay tribute to her mother. "
My mother died in April 1983... She didn't want a funeral. 'Get together and have a party,' she had said when the topic was allowed to come up." However, she was quick to tell readers that the survivors did not honor the request. "We needed the ritual. We needed to say good-bye, but we also needed a ritual that would honor her spirit and would be faithful to her values and beliefs."
When Ms. York acknowledges the position of her family—that they needed not a party but a ritual—she teaches us all something important: the celebration of life events we plan with families should be shaped as much by their own emotional and spiritual needs as their desire to celebrate the life lived.
Celebrations of life are similar to memorial services, which can be described as a hybrid event: combining the flexibility of a celebration of life with many of the activities of a traditional funeral order-of-service.
There's more room for creativity in a celebration of life than a funeral. Since celebrations of life are commonly held after the individual's physical remains have been cared for through burial or cremation, there is much more time available to plan the event. And without doubt, this allows you to make better decisions about how you'd like to celebrate the life of someone you dearly loved.
9 Steps to Start Planning a Celebration of Life
- Who will be invited? The number of guests defines the where, when, and how of your celebration of life. Write down the names of everyone you think would want to be there and then set them aside. You can add new names to the list as you go along.
- Where, and when, should the event take place? Here's where your imagination is tempered by any scheduling or travel-related issues facing those who will be invited. Be sure to check in with out-of-town relatives and friends about their situation before settling on these critical details.
- Who will orchestrate or conduct the event? If your loved one was religious, you may opt to have their pastor or church minister perform these tasks. However, many families today hire a non-denominational celebrant to oversee the celebration of life.
- Who wishes to speak at the event? Many times family members or friends will be very direct about their desire to make a short presentation at the celebration of life; other times you need to come out and ask folks if they would be willing to publicly share their thoughts and feelings. Either way, you'll want to select those people who have shared a close relationship with the deceased and have something meaningful to contribute.
- What group activities would be appropriate? We've heard some exciting celebration of life ideas over the years. This question involves thinking about what your loved one liked most about their life and gives everyone a remarkable space to share memories, laugh, and even cry together.
- What food or beverages should be served? What you serve may depend on the theme of your celebration-of-life, or may be based on your loved one's favorite dishes. It's entirely up to you; we've even seen "pot luck" celebrations of life where guests actually sign up to bring select foods and beverages.
- What readings and music should you include? Music is an integral part of life for many people, and a celebration of life is the perfect event in which to showcase the meaningful music of your loved one's life. But, if your loved one didn't appreciate music (and lots of folks don’t), it may be more appropriate to read chosen spiritual selections or excerpts from literature.
- What details of your loved one's life do you want to share with guests? Not every biographical detail needs to be highlighted; rather you're trying to capture their essence by telling revealing anecdotes or stories. Sometimes you can reveal their character by detailing one short moment in their life experience.
- What decorations will you have? Many families create a tribute video and use it as the centerpiece of the event. Others choose to use a memory table of photographs and other memorabilia instead.
Celebration of Life Ideas
We understand that people often have difficulty choosing a meaningful theme for their loved one's celebration of life. It is important that the theme you decide on truly showcases the wonderful life of the deceased and what made them unique. To help get you started with planning a celebration of life for your loved one we have provided some ideas. We hope that these celebration of life ideas will give you an idea of how creative you can get.
The Sports Lover
If your loved one was a devoted sports fan of a particular team or avidly played a sport themselves, consider focusing the celebration of life around that. An idea for this could be organizing a golf or baseball tournament in honour of your loved one.
The Foodie
If your loved one enjoyed tasting or trying new recipes, and loved trying new things, you may want to consider organizing a dinner party that serves their favourite foods. The dinner party can be at someone’s home or at the deceased’s favourite restaurant. You can then feel a strong connection to the deceased through the food that they loved,
The Charitable Person
If your loved one was passionate about charity and giving back to the community, you could organize an event that raises money for a cause they were deeply passionate about. The fundraiser can be extravagant or simply a casual party where people are encouraged to donate. Afterwards, the contributions can then be donated in the deceased’s name.
Funerals vs. Celebrations of Life
It's interesting; funerals and celebrations of life have much in common, yet they often appear very different. Each is a ceremony; a gathering of people who share a common loss. It's just that one is more rooted in tradition, while the other is the result of recent changes in social values. But both serve to do three things:
- Help the bereaved family, and their community, publicly acknowledge the death of one of their own
- Support the grieving family by surrounding them with caring friends, co-workers, and neighbors
- Move the deceased from one social status to another
Yet they achieve those things in very different ways. First, let's take a closer look at what most of us commonly see as very traditional funerals.